just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
