You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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