You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
