Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
