I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
