hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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