Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
