I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
