He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
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