I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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