If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Why are your pants in the freezer?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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