put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
