my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
