I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
