he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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