...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
