If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
