I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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