If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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