Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
