Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
