then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
