I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
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