We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
nutella sex= disaster
two words: eviction party
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
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