Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
