We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
