i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
