Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Did you pee in the oven last night??
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