best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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