Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
