Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
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