He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
