you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
