Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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