: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
