you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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