Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I'm sobbing to NWA
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
