It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
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