Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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