This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
