i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
