Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
your room smells of hookers.
And success
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Randomize
