i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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