Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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