based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
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