Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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