isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
