sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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