i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
