I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
