Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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