I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
he was CRYING into my vagina
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Randomize
