I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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