My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Do you still have your period?
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I have post one night stand depression
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