yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Drake has all the answers
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Randomize
